Michael Jackson hated himself

"I'm not even close to loving myself"

Paris Jackson finds it difficult to love each other. She used to even injure herself, as she reveals in the second episode of her documentary series "Unfiltered".

Together, Paris Jackson (22) and Gabriel "Gabe" Glenn are the indie folk duo The Soundflowers. The multi-part documentary series "Unfiltered: Paris Jackson & Gabriel Glenn" tells the musical journey of the two, who are also a couple in private. In the first episode, the late King of Pop's daughter Michael Jackson (1958-2009) unpacked about her sexuality. The second episode, which was released on Tuesday (July 7th) via Facebook Watch, is called "Trauma Partners?". In it, the 22-year-old speaks about her problems with her own body perception and her self-harming behavior.

Music by The Soundflowers (Paris Jackson & Gabriel Glenn) can be found here.

Paris Jackson "hated" that when he was a child

Paris Jackson frankly says, "I'm not even close to loving myself." The 22-year-old believes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You yourself have "a lot of uncertainties" when it comes to your body. "Self-love is tough as hell," she explains. "I'm still struggling to accept myself." It is progressing gradually, at the moment she just wants to be satisfied with herself.

Paris Jackson says that she has always "felt like the black sheep" in her family. Even if she never let her family feel that, the differences cannot be dismissed out of hand. She looks completely different with her fair complexion, light eyes and light hair. She also has a completely different style. When she was young, her father put her in all sorts of clothes. But her memory of it is by no means positive: "I looked like a porcelain doll. I hated it."

When her father was still alive, attention was paid to what was eaten. The diet was "very healthy". For example, there was no white sugar, white flour, or white rice. After the death of Michael Jackson, Paris was placed in the care of her grandmother. There were no rules there when it came to eating. There was an abundance of lemonade and cake. She put on a lot of weight until it became an addiction. When she was finally labeled "fat" by someone, she realized that she couldn't go on with it. You have started to harm yourself.

Paris Jackson suffers from depression

"I cut and burned myself," says the now 22-year-old. "I never thought I would die from it. I was in control, I knew how deep I cut with the razor." It felt good, she says about the reasons. Self-harm, like sex, food, drugs, etc. releases dopamine. In addition, it was a distraction from her emotional pain. She converted it into physical pain. She also had the feeling that she was in control of something.

Paris Jackson speaks equally openly about her depression. These come in waves and can pull them down "unbearably deep". Still, she would rather feel this pain than not feel anything from taking medication. "Feeling the pain is better than numbing it," says the musician. She used to take antidepressants and mood enhancers. That fogged her, for example she could no longer laugh heartily: "You can't numb the bad without numbing the good too." In an interview with Rolling Stone, Jackson once admitted to having "often thought of suicide".

Paris is not alone with its demons. Gabriel Glenn also struggles with himself. For example, he is unsure when it comes to his scars. He too is still falling into depressed phases, he says. He even wanted to kill himself. He was glad he didn't make it. And he makes it clear: Once again, he couldn't do that to the people he loves.

The episode culminates in Paris Jackson's appearance at the last fashion show of French designer Jean Paul Gaultier (68) in Paris earlier this year. He personally asked her to come along. A great success for the Jackson daughter, who explains that she wants to help people feel comfortable in their own skin.

Help with depression is offered by telephone counseling on the free number: 0800/111 0 111

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