Jealous people ever change

Jealousy - the fear of losing love

Those who suffer from jealousy usually blame their partner for it. Because the partner does (or does not do) this or that, there is suspicion and fear of losing the partner.

In fact, the cause of jealousy lies within ourselves. What jealousy often gives rise to are self-doubts, affairs on the part of the partner in previous relationships and / or experiences of loss in early childhood.

1. Self-doubt, low self-esteem

Affected people believe they are not good enough, not intelligent enough, not attractive enough, not lovable. Since they think little of themselves and do not consider themselves lovable, they cannot imagine that the partner loves the unlovable and are therefore afraid that the partner might become unfaithful and leave them.

The fear of loss leads those affected to constant interrogations, allegations, and snooping in personal mail and in the partner's wallet. Yes, sometimes those affected even go so far as to check the laundry, to chase after their partner or to bombard them with control calls.

The partner has no chance to convince the jealous partner of his innocence. Those affected know that their jealousy and control behavior are pathological. However, this knowledge is of little use to them. When they run away from their fantasies by seeing their partner cheat, the fear of loss and separation turns into a panic that is difficult for them to control.

2. Experiences of loss in childhood, traumatic experiences

The fear of losing one's partner can also stem from experiences they had in childhood. A client told me:

I'm jealous because I saw my father cheat and my mother sit at home crying. I swore to myself at the time that nothing like this would happen to me. I am terrified that I will be ripped off like my mother used to be.

3. Affair of ex-partners

If you have been betrayed and betrayed many times in previous relationships, jealousy and suspicion are easy to develop in a new relationship. After all, you don't want to be surprised again by your partner's affair. The motto is: trust is good, control is better.