Will you ever forgive your father
So forgive your father and don't hold a heavy charge of crime on your mind. How to Forgive Father: Personal Experience of a Psychologist I cannot build a relationship of disadvantage
One of the commandments is to worship one's parents. And if such a situation you do not communicate with your father and many years of resentment lives in you and completely absorbs, causing only hatred and aggression when you mention it? Finally, you understand what this must be done so that the charge does not absorb the crime into its quagmire.
How do I learn to forgive insults and not return to the same incident that made a local man with a perpetrator and the subject of vengeance? So I really want to forgive your father, do it to him, and if you can, try to retest those warm feelings that were before.
The studio of esoteric literature and a visit to the psychologist's forgiveness of the father did not give, all to no avail. Self-confidence in the search for mistakes, because who had failed in relationships with his father, did not lead to the result either. How do I learn to forgive?
Let us turn to Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology to understand why he has a resentment towards his father and at the same time being insulted towards other people and their compensation and not towards their perpetrator.
This is how you will learn to forgive the offenses that corrode you from within
With such a feeling as resentment faces are really only owners of Analvektor. These are those people who have fond memories of nature. All the good things that are remembered are that a person was grateful, but when offended they carry in their phenomenal memory the pain in their phenomenal memory in their phenomenal memory. Will invade the place of vengeance to redress injustice and avenge the reverse effect.
You can learn to forgive insults if you understand how they influence our psyche. And by resentment, as practice shows that the person he has suffers first. The race, alas, unfortunately, is not a person to move on in life. The same states live through the memories, the "carrier" of the offense appears on the side of life in the literal sense of the word.
How to forgive father - a local man who became an enemy
You can rationally convince yourself that if not, if not your father, there would be no you. Logical? Yes. Upset the father? No. But when you deeply understand the characteristics of the character of the father, his desires and values, you will see why the father entered in exactly the same way and not otherwise because he was guided by his given natural traits. And you understand why your reaction to the situation was such that it led to the insult. By being aware of these moments, there is an opportunity to forgive the Father.
How to forgive and let go of the insult and not keep a heavy load on your mind
When you understand that the Father could not do otherwise and that you have absolutely different psychological characteristics with him, there is an inner justification for his actions, an understanding of the live situation, and the Father's forgiveness is true.
How to forgive and not be offended by and for no reason
Forgiveness, and not being offended by someone in the future, can only be in one case: seeing the causes of the person's behavior in each situation, understand his actions in advance, and not because the conflict happened. Only in this way can you forgive everything, accumulate everything in the past and receive the "vaccination" from the crime in the future.
Forget and forgive all insults - it's real
The father's harmony is often an anchor that does not allow, not possible, to continue moving in the set in life. Forgive Father - Great relief that opens up enormous women's potential in building a happy relationship with male soil.
A large number of people who passed the training on SYSTEM vector psychology Yuri Burlan shared their results and told how learned to forgive. . See what they say:
"... my main result at the moment is what has gone completely to the father. Perennial resentment. The insult only heated by numerous attempts to get rid of it with the help of family orientations, reading various books on forgiveness, all sorts of seminars, webinars, etc. . to pass.
... After training every day, warm, love and gratitude to the father, more and more to experience mom. Without rationalization. Sinful ... and of this breathtaking ease ... "
Daria E., administrator and make-up artist beauty salon, Chelyabinsk
"... I noticed that at the end of the training session
Get rid of parental resentment. A terrible feeling that brought so much spiritual pain away. Somehow gradually, imperceptibly melted. And not just on parents, but also on former husbands and other perpetrators in general ... "
Elena K., engineer-builder, St. Petersburg
"... By the end of the first level lectures, I had a resentment, I stopped re-acquiring, and became the loved one of loved ones who just don't believe that it is possible (see me by ourselves). How Do I feel it? I have no desire to be offended, there is no containment of emotions, nor self-sucking, I see a person's needs to behave in a certain way, understand its essence: life principles, values, understand , in what habitat, He evolved as a person.
At the same time I learned to feel guilty and guilty, to protect my interests, my time ... "
Question to a psychologist:
In the first year I not only realized the reason for many of my failures in your personal life and not only, but really wanted to solve it. Human crime. Banal, but the way it is. Much prevents life. Awareness and understanding is great for sure, but I absolutely don't understand how to get rid of it. I wrote a letter to a Atemanating ("father"), although he had not seen him for 5 years and did not communicate, and did not want to. And now there was a sudden desire to send this letter to my father, finally to speak, and finally to forgive. Of course I'm on the right track. But,
Dear psychologists, how do I let go of this old insult and forgive your father forever?
Under the letter, very emotional and childishly sincere, but I think you will understand everything.
Thank you in advance for your help.
"Hello father. I would have been writing this letter for a long time. I have probably been going all my life. Forgive me in advance, but most likely that you are not very pleased to read it. But please read it in full, but neither eyes , still thoughts but with your heart and your soul. Fully and understand your daughter when you look at me with your daughter. If you are interested in who I am and how I live and how I have lived without you.
I am not aware of the word "father", your reliable shoulder, the feeling of protection and security that the father gives in the child's life. From childhood I really lacked this, your guardianship, your defense and your love. Nobody should protect and support me like being a father. I am a kid you are admirable, and even though I was 25 years old, I still suffered because of this, somewhere deep in my soul. I never consciously accused you of not being around. And mom, never told you badly or blamed you for anything. But by itself, in me, the resentment was copied from you. I can't do anything with it! I improve myself to be offended by you because it is wrong! You gave me life, spirit and beauty. But you didn't teach me to be happy !!! They did not teach me how to cope with the circumstances of life, how they cannot be weak as they are not afraid to live ... They were not in my life, nobody told me that I am the most beautiful " when I doubted this, "everything will be okay," when I was afraid of "what I am cleaning up", when I didn't believe in my hand ... so I wanted to cry on my shoulder when it was impossible to hold back tears . Where have you been all these years? I was just pacified by the idea that you were in the best world. I was confident that you are not with us! I couldn't believe that you can be alive and well, you can be don't remember so many years and don't worry about your native blood !!! mom said you really wanted me to be born! what did you dream of your daughter like me like me !!! what did you have me loves ... but how do I believe it! How? It turns out that you just don't practice anything r wanted to know me all this time! You are a few years ago and a big shock to me! You threw me and forgot !!! How can you like it! I don't know how to ask you about it. This is my greatest resentment for life !!! I don't want to live with this crime! That is not right! I want to forgive you !!! But I don't know how to do it! Tell me how to do it dad! It is very difficult for me ... It is because of this resentment that I have so much pain in life! I don't think I'll ever be happy anymore !!! I absolutely do not develop relationships with men, I am very happy to love because of this resentment. I have solid disappointments and pains. I am very raw and any man easily hurts me. I am constantly lacking love because you didn't love me! I am constantly afraid that because you are being thrown me, they will throw me! These feelings haunt me all his life !!! How will i get rid of it? Help me ask you, I ask you all my heart! "
The psychologist Panina Irina Nikolaevna is responsible for the question.
I sympathize with you in your position, in your position, left by the father of his daughter and understand your pain.
They ask to help you get rid of resentment against your father. It is very brave if you can apply such a comparison to the girl.
We must first have the famous courage and courage to recognize the presence of resentment on your father, and sincerely, to sincerely forgive him.
Return to your letter. I will show you your feelings that you do not fully recognize and that are more visible to strangers on paper than you are.
Sorry for my harshness of judgment, in one letter I feel obliged to sort the situation out for you, and without direct instructions and judgments it is not very realistic.
The first thing I'm going to pay you carefully is that you want to buy a ticket from Moscow. "That is, you want to" forgive "your father, get rid of it, get rid of a few feelings after you have received ... what? This is not for itself (or did not reflect the letter). What do you replace your insult to your father "Love? Understanding?" After all, the sacred place is not empty.
You write: "But alone, in my years, in my years, in my years. I can not do anything with it! I improve myself to be offended because it is wrong! You have given me life, spirit and beauty. But you did not teach me to be happy !!! You did not teach me how to cope with the living conditions, how you are not weak as you are not afraid ... "
I'm going to draw your attention to a particle "but".
Psychologists say that everything that was said before, "but" is shining. That is, your letter, which you naively and sincerely consider, it is real. Sincere. Truthfully. Honest.
And it contains a great offense on your father. Claim him.
Here you ask how to stop?
And in the letter you write to him. Yes, you are trying to forgive ... that's all the thing in the word "try".
You feel offended. That says it all. No matter how your mind did not try to "forgive" it, your soul does not agree.
How do you really forgive?
I think you should try to understand. What exactly made him stop you? What was he leading when he was doing it? What was his personal pain?
It is unlikely that he was so careless and indifferent to you.
I will say a little personal approach to business.
You know, Anastasia, I don't think children have any right to forgive or punish their parents. More precisely, punish - how is it right, but forgive ... a strange word.
Do you think your parents are needed to you?
Do you think of yourself when you give birth to a child that you are going to give birth to? For him or for yourself?
If you are ready to answer that "for a child," don't be believed. You still don't know who will be born there, even if your child will be your child, his personality is unknown ... as for "him"? And who he (she)?
RIVER BRUSH, YOU WILL BE YOURSELF. And what time is it to refer to the child as your property.
You will build a lot yourself to "let go" of your child.
Their father, apparently, "didn't grow" when understanding comes, when understanding comes that children are full personalities, children suffer who understand who honest adults are.
Your insult, brought from childhood more than understandable. Before forgiving your father, I advise you to refuse it first. Don't try, "I want to forgive you, but I can't get it in any way," and write a letter smearing it on the wall. "
After you've thrown your feelings, try to get up on it, your father's place. Find out the details. About his life, position, motives.
Maybe you will understand your father. And it is understood in order to forgive.
At this stage they put all of your resentments into words and maybe yell. In indictments, but in no way excused.
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Ecology of life. Psychology: for the girl, the father is the most important person in life. This is her first picture of a man on which she will choose her husband in the future.
For the girl, the father is the most important person in life. This is her first picture of a man on which she will choose her husband in the future. Hence, resentment towards his father can affect life for an adult girl and lead to her own adjustments.
Before talking about the possible consequences of this insult, you need to make an important effect, without the further conversation being simply pointless. To at least admit to yourself that your father ever caused you pain and you haven't forgiven him.
In fact, many women sincerely believe that they are offended by DAD for dad, and during work the father turns out that in childhood the father practically did not pay attention to them, did not care about their problems, did not care about their problems . And only psychological practices, by returning to the past, are the victims of the pain risen, and the resentment of the resentment comes to his father.
So, if the first thought your first thought while reading this article was, "This is not about me," then I persistently recommend that you do not rush and think well. From this still depends on your further fate.
And now let's get around this, with what consequences that can offend the father if he is not forgiven:
1. Resentment at inattention
If the dad paid attention, love and care to a little daughter, then she does not feel since childhood. Starting from a young age, the girl tries to compensate for this love from the male attention that will be available to him. As a rule, this is an early love, enthusiasm, passion. Subconsciously, she longs to prove to herself that love is there for something, that she is worth it, even though the girl doesn't believe herself. And who knows how to get such searches of the love you want ...
The psychological trauma inflicted by papal behavior will make a girl fear of loneliness and she will be ready to be with someone, if not just one.
Is It Worth Talking About Peace Purposes, Peace, and Female Happiness? The only thing that it will be able to withdraw from a closed circle is the forgiveness of its father, sincerely for what he was or is.
2. Turgen of atrocities
If the father was cruel with her daughter or with her mother, then the girl in the soul from childhood is copied from anger to his father, which, of course, develops into a fatal insult.
What is it with? The fact that at an adult age a girl who wants to find a man - the complete opposite of his father, will still attract cruel men into her life.
Why? Because in her subconscious the image of the first in a man's life was formed - her father. That what he was And consciously the girl is afraid of the thought that her husband will be a cruel man.
This fear of the influence of the subconscious image only increases, and the universe throws it into its "prototype" of the father. It will go on like this until the girl falls in love with him.
That is the destructive power of the father's crime.
3. Remedial action for the restriction of freedom
Or excessive custody. That said, this article is the complete opposite of anything we've already considered. In this case, the girl wants to quickly get rid of this guardianship and inhale, finally free.
What does this usually lead to? On the fact that she couldn't find a couple for a very long time because she never wants to. She is committed to independence and freedom.
Did you succeed in having her female happiness? Unlikely. Hence, the only way to establish your life is to turn away the insult from my father.
All roads lead to forgiveness. Therefore, you decide whether you want to continue living with the crime in your heart or whether you want to forgive anyway. Released
P. And remember, just change your consciousness - we will change the world together! © Econet.
Join us in.
A desire to forgive is not enough. In order to truly forgive parents, you need to get rid of guilt and press others down. Our culture approves forgiveness, so perhaps we are talking about what the danger of premature forgiveness is.
"The parents are always right in the child's consciousness," argues the psychoanalyst Gabriel Ruben. - The child they treat badly with believes that he is responsible for himself. Often this imaginary responsibility becomes the cause of the suffering of those who are guilty of imaginary mistakes and punish themselves for them in one way or another. Because of a strange pinball machine, the victim is usually to blame that whoever tortured them had to experience.
Psychoanalytically advises: Before forgiving, "first give yourself to the victim, that is, an innocent man who feels guilty. Otherwise, in the depths of the soul, you will continue to feel guilty."
The same thing happens when the bad calling was unintentional (parents weren't around, depressed or sick).
"For the unconscious, there is only suffering that has arisen," explains Gabriel Ruben. - The intentions do not matter, as in the case of the body: it does not take into account the intentions of the one who is doing it, intentionally or by overwhelmingly hurting. It suffers and the point. Only in the second place do we recognize that our parents were inflicted, and then we suppress the feeling of hatred that would otherwise be directed at the "innocent attacker".
In internal work we need to take into account their dual attitudes on some things - for example, it is more difficult to forgive the parent who does not recognize their mistakes - as well as the opportunity to stop, or postpone or postpone forgiveness at all.
1. Give yourself the right to choose
Even if we believe that they are ready to forgive, knowing from the start that lack of forgiveness is also a legitimate choice is important. It doesn't matter what the environment thinks about it: do not forgive - this is a freedom that everyone has the right to give to themselves. This decision is not associated with an objective assessment of the seriousness of the damage, but only with our deep feelings.
You not only have to resist, not only "you have to", which emanate from your surroundings, but also your own "I have to". Do not put pressure from others, do not blame, you can make your choice.
2. Give yourself time
Bad attraction, whatever its nature, duration and motive, causes deep and strong emotions: fear, anger, hate, pain, shame, despair ... We could suppress it, but its influence did not go away. It will take time to determine these feelings.
Ask yourself honestly, ask yourself: what do you actually experience when I think about what survives and those who survived those difficult moments? Enjoying feelings in words: "I feel hate", "I am ashamed" is the necessary step towards making a conscious decision.
It's easier to move around with a psychologist: we can establish the relationship between the tests of the past and the suffering and failures in the present. In order to assess the damage we have caused, we need to give them time. There is a difference between an insulted and defeated person, and those who, for example, were not supported in choosing a career as an artist. Some sadness, when you rethink, can build up over time.
3. Feel and do not publish a decree
Forgiveness - act is narcissistic, it helps us in your own eyes. It also brings peace to the relationship. These two arguments explain why forgiveness is often given prematurely. However, the joy it brings is short-lived. And for that it has to pay dearly if the process that leads to a suspended decision has not passed important stages.
In order to be able to feel in complete peaceful calm whether we want to forgive you need to return to our history, going through all the stages of internal conflict fed by conflicting emotions and ambiguous desires ... - And maybe, eventually, We will decide that we don't want to forgive.
Regardless of the solution that is picked up by the mature reflection and after internal work, we will experience it as honest and fair. We'll feel like we're restoring ourselves, we've got rid of obsessive thoughts and emotions, and I won't unwittingly build my whole life around another person anymore. We no longer live in reaction mode, are not at odds, we are not looking for the opportunity to avenge revenge and we do not expect someone else to pay us due.
"I am now free from all bitterness"
At 38 he learned that his father is actually not his father. And the real father is a French language teacher in this school where he was studying. Almost the whole family knew about this secret. Serious injury that he was able to overcome.
“I haven't spoken to my mother, sister, and brothers in ten years. We are all obsessed with Christian forgiveness, which makes it erase the past like a sponge and start life over like nothing. In the meantime, to walk alone that caused us the evil is also one of the forms of forgiveness. Not so long ago I met my sister after a long hiatus. We avoided talking about the past .. . and had a good time together. Now I am free of any bitterness towards my family. Though of course all cases are different. I understand my biological father. It is difficult for 40 years of marriage never to sin.
But I spent my entire childhood with my mother. She is not just a person with his weaknesses, she is my mother! And so I want it to be perfection. Because of this, it is difficult to forgive, to forgive: you have to admit that this image is being destroyed because and my image itself was destroyed by Ince that I have another father. Brothers and sisters lied to me, but then I realized that in this deception was a desire to protect me. The question of forgiveness is also the question that I have of them. I had to say to myself: "Yes, I am also sentimental as a mother. I love languages like my biological father and differ from my summary brothers and sisters at the mother and from the biological father." Do not forgive - it means yourself to hurt. The older I get, the better we understand that we all need forgiveness, and so do I, among other things: We are all hurt sometimes, we don't want to. I think I'll make up my mind to see my mother soon. "
4. Show Barmy.
Parents can ask for forgiveness for the suffering it caused or the memories that make them feel guilty or in response to reproaches. To respond to their request for forgiveness without spending enough time on a mature solution - the temptation I want to give up. Just because children have grown too, communicating with their parents, losing their adults, they are overwhelmed with wine, fear that they will not love them, or the desire to "save" their parents. However, it is necessary to postpone the solution.
You can tell parents that we need time to think or that we are not ready yet. This position is for relationships and will not help hostage to your own emotions. It makes sense to think about how we want to express our forgiveness, or what words to refuse, as this would be the most precise way of telling their feelings.
Forgiveness, that's too hasty, can be withdrawn in the future
Forgiveness should not be used as a means of reducing the harm or justifying the mother or father. And failure to forgive shouldn't be a way to get revenge. It is also possible to forgive a missing parent (or not forgiven), deceased, deceased or unsuspectingly inflicted on the inflicted wound. This symbolic act has the same consequences as forgiveness of the face.
You can write a letter and then save it or destroy it, talk to it, talk to it, look at the photo, express forgiveness carefully or silently ... whatever we have chosen, real forgiveness we realize after a while Feel the relief and the comfort it brings.
5. Remain the owner of the relationships
Forgiveness does not ascend obligations or give rights to those who have forgotten. Running has full right to choose which relationship to establish in the future. All options are possible: no more video with parents, remove or closer. It makes sense to focus on what we consider to be right for us without justifying it. This line of conduct makes us the owners of the regulations that respect ourselves and cause respect for others.
6. Live, promotion
Contrary to what it is common to think, the very fact of forgiveness does not immediately fill us with decomposition. On the contrary, on the contrary, the feeling of emptiness comes, because anger, hate, bitterness is a strong feeling that absorbs a lot of strength and attention, they could give our life a meaning and purpose. So their disappearance can confuse us with a sense of loss. Then nothing else remains, except overcoming this phase, which is by itself the form of relaxation.
Then we can be able to invest the established vital energy in something new (projects, relationships ...). Finally, it should always be remembered that forgiveness, this is too hasty, you can take back in the future, just as we can choose to choose with the times when we long reject parents. This way we can save contact with your feelings and wishes.
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