Do you trust your significant other
When love leaves - and how you can bring it back
One moment you're in love and floating on cloud 7. In the next, you're wondering what actually fascinated you about your ex. Love usually comes unexpectedly. But what happens when love leaves? And why do we fall out of love at all? And how do you manage to rekindle feelings that have fallen asleep?
If you newly in love life is easy, carefree and wonderful. Pure happiness! Your treasure is the center of your world. You would love to spend every second of your existence with him. Everything is new, exciting and exciting.
Your body is in a hormonal frenzy. You cannot think clearly in this situation. You just enjoy yourself, your body and that To be with your sweetheart.
Sex and intimacy take up a lot of space. There is seldom room for other people at this stage.
But too quickly the pink veil and the Everyday life returns. Some couples lose themselves again after a short time.
Maybe you know that too.
At some point they are Feelings blown away. Then you ask yourself why the person you have admired deeply is suddenly no longer attractive to you.
What just happened? Why can you apparently no longer love?
Why does love go
Movies, series, novels, songs and poems are mostly about how people fall in love with each other. Often we see the "love at first sight". Sometimes there is Trials and Tribulations on the way to the happy ending.
But in The center is that Verlove.
Few describe how the love feels. And even less shed light on what it is like to lose those intense feelings again.
How do we deal with it when we us entlove?
In this regard, there is a lack of stories to serve as role models.
Reasons why romance romance fails
Maybe you're drawing the line because your partner is cheating on you. Or you yourself fall in love with someone else. Maybe you just lose yourself because of your Wishes, goals and values do not fit together (anymore).
Sometimes it happens Alienation from each other with a bang. Sometimes it happens very quietly. You feel that it is just as easy as before no longer goes on.
Maybe your loved one is no longer enough for you. That sounds tough. But we make demands on our life partner.
It is normal for you to ask whether he is still "the right one"For you is:
- Is your partner educated enough?
- Do your sexual needs match?
- Is he trying as hard in the relationship as you are?
- Are you having fun with him?
- Do you like to live by his side?
If you answer these questions with "No"Answer, your feelings are fading. It doesn't have to happen right away. It can be a gradual process. Perhaps at a certain moment your life plan no longer fits that of your significant other.
The songwriter Reinhard Mey sings about it in "Happy Birthday to Me“:
“And the life I led made me happy and free
But I became a stranger to the woman at my side
And we lost each other without hatred and without anger
Very quiet ‘, after so many years and I started all over again"
Or you the similarities are missing. In the worst case, at some point you simply have nothing more to say to each other like the couple in Erich Kästner's poem "Factual romance“.
One thing is certain: It hurts, when love goes. Most of the time, we think back to the beginning of our romance with a certain sadness.
How love gets lost in a relationship
In our globalized world, there is a large selection of possible partners. In other words: Your friend competes with countless other men on this planet.
There are countless people who can be even more attractive, intelligent and sensitive than him.
Signs that your feelings are getting lost:
- Your dealings with one another gradually become a little less loving.
- You hug and touch less. This will make you produce less oxytocin. The cuddle hormone creates closeness and connection. If there is no contact, this hormone is also absent.
- Your conversations are about them Organization of everyday life: Who brings the children to school? Who carries the garbage outside? Who does the bulk purchase?
- For loving togetherness there is a lack of time and freedom.
- Career is a priority for you and your boyfriend.
- Your love life falls asleep. You no longer have sex in marriage.
- The habits and idiosyncrasies of your life partner are bothering you. Where you only saw positive things at the beginning of your relationship, everything now seems negative.
When love goes and the children stay
Even if your relationship is brokengo, you remain parents. This applies regardless of whether you want to separate or stay. It is painful for children to see mom and dad falling apart.
You probably don't understand that Love no longer exists between you. They still love you.
You can usually speak more openly with young people. By the time your daughter or son reaches puberty, they may already be struggling with lovesickness.
It's more difficult with younger children.
What you can definitely do:
- Treat your children's father with respect.
- Don't spoil him in front of your son or daughter.
- Make it easier for your children to keep in touch with their dad.
That sounds easy. In reality it is a challenge. This is especially true if your partner has fallen in love with another woman or you've been cheated on.
In front of your injured Feelings, your anger and your sadness you probably want to protect your children. You don't want them to notice how bad you are every time you come into contact with your ex.
You probably want to go to this one intense hurt First of all, keep your distance from the child’s father. Think. Come to rest. But that's exactly what you can't do with children. You have needs. Your care is paramount.
Having children together also means: You keep in touch with your ex. Until your offspring are of legal age. The financial responsibility usually goes beyond that.
How do I get love back?
You may be wondering if your relationship can be saved. Are on both sides feelings still exist, Is there a chance.
5 tips on how to bring love back
- Speak respectfully and loving with your partner.
- Avoid accusations and generalizations ("You always do…“ / „You never show…“)
- Don't be cynical.
- If you start to "walls“Your friend cannot reach you emotionally. So be open and share your thoughts, worries and needs with him.
- Make yourself the merits and Aware of the special features of your loved one: What do you like about him? What can you laugh heartily about? Which three characteristics make your sweetheart something special?
Separation, yes or no? How do I know that love is finally over?
Sometimes it pays to order love to fight. Do you still have feelings for each other? Then the old magic can possibly be brought back.
Many problems can be solved:
- No more sex in marriage. Open discussions help here. Maybe you will bring in a sex therapist. Or you try on your own to bring back the eroticism in new ways. Small changes such as lingerie, sex toys or sex in places other than in the bedroom already change a lot.
- Maybe you think: „My husband does nothing for the relationship. Then why should I keep trying? ”If you don't get active, you lose yourself. Do you want that? If so, that's fine. Then it boils down to a breakup. If not, talk to your partner. You only have one chance if you pull together.
- Money worries, addiction problems, cheating: some problems cannot be solved easily. If you don't know what to do and talking to your husband doesn't help, get help. In the case of financial difficulties, this can be a debt advisor. If you have problems in the Relationship is a couples therapist The right person to speak to. In the case of domestic violence, the main thing to do is to bring yourself to safety and the Contact the police.
If you think: „But I don't love my husband anymore“It's time to get over one To stop thinking. If the relationship is broken, there is no turning back.
Separation as a chance for a new beginning
Perhaps you are now asking yourself: "When should you break up?"Or"How do I know if fighting for a partnership is worth it?“
There is no general answer to that.
It all depends on what you want. Do you still have feelings for the man by your side? Or are they long gone?
Breaking up is probably the way to go if ...
- your partner is unimportant to you. You don't care what he is does and how he's doing.
- you his Habits and His Presence annoy. You are glad he leaves the house in the morning and you hope that he will work overtime. Then at least you'll have the apartment to yourself.
- you often accuse him of negative things. In your eyes he acts out of calculation. You assume that he wants to harm you. Or that he is only thinking of his own benefit.
- you your significant other no longer trust. You've known for a long time that he's lying to you. That's why you don't believe a word of him anymore. You no longer feel safe and secure with him.
- you for yours Still-partner contempt and hatred feel. He hurt you. Now your mind is on getting back at him in kind.
- you can't smell your husband anymore. Be Body odor is uncomfortable for you. You keep your distance when he approaches you.
A separation opens you up new ways. Maybe you need some time for yourself first. At some point, you will likely meet a new partner. That’s then - hopefully - the man who suits you even better.
Hold on to love
It is best to prevent a relationship crisis from occurring in the first place. These possibilities certainly exist.
- Spends time as a couple on a regular basis. Remember: you are not just parents, self-employed or employee of the month. You are lovers.
- Take care of your sex life. Romance and eroticism need space. Try new things. Be creative and get out of your comfort zone.
- Allow each other to grow. Development is part of a fulfilled life together. Your sweetheart can do something completely different than you. It is important that you support each other in your projects.
- Communicate openly with each other. Talk about your experiences. Share your thoughts and your feelings. That creates emotional closeness. You also understand how your life partner "ticking“.
- Argue respectfully. The true quality of a partnership on an equal footing is particularly evident in conflicts. How do you deal with your partner? Is it hailing allegations? Or do you argue constructively and with respect for one another?
When love goes, it is sometimes worth fighting. Is there still a bit of embers left? Then you can do the old one Maybe rekindle the fire.
It is best to keep an eye on the relationship from the start. If love goes backyou can take countermeasures.
Sometimes, however, a separation is also the better way. Partnership problems cannot always be solved. And if the pink veil falls, his Mr. Right may just turn out to be the wrong one.
Then only remains: keep looking! At some point you will find the partner who really suits you.
About the author
Darius Kamadeva - Relationship Expert
Darius Kamadeva is a bestselling author and the leading relationship and dating coach in Germany - especially for women. On his YouTube channel with more than 90,000 subscribers, he helps women with more than 10 years of experience to develop a happy relationship with themselves and with others. His work of accompanying women on their way to become heroines in their lives is known from TV, radio and YouTube. He offers online courses, retreats, seminars, live events, personal coaching and video content that bring women to the love of their lives.
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