How do I accept myself as impossible

Learning to love yourself: meaning, exercises, tips

Self-love is difficult for many. They almost only see their flaws, inadequacies and flaws. The resulting high expectations and comparisons with others only make it more complicated. How can one learn to develop a positive image of oneself, to accept, to accept and to love oneself? Huge mistake! Because self-love is an essential prerequisite for happiness, satisfaction and success.

The good news: self-love can be learned. It's not that easy, however, because the bad image we have of ourselves is often deeply anchored and trained. We explain where the problem with self-love comes from and give you many tips with which you can learn more self-love ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

What does self-love mean?

Self-love, that is very banal, the love of yourself. It's about not just accepting yourself, but really loving yourself - with all the peculiarities, strengths and weaknesses that belong to yourself.

Self-love means loving yourself without restrictions or exceptions. At its core, it is about unconditional love for yourself with everything that goes with it.

A quote from Buddha also aptly describes what self-love is all about: "You yourself, like everyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." In terms of content, self-love is closely related to terms such as:

Important to distinguish: Self-love is not the same as self-love. The proximity to arrogance or narcissism should be seen here. Self-love also has nothing to do with stubbornness, selfishness, or excessive complacency.

This is why self-love is so important

Those who fully accept themselves and their peculiarities, their quirks, but also their good points, also accept the overall package and respect themselves. They treat themselves well and take their own needs into account. Self-love is therefore a key to more contentment and happiness in life. You will also become a fan of yourself with self-love. It is not a striving for the affection of others, but the certainty that you are good enough yourself.

In this way, self-love makes you independent. Those who love themselves are not dependent on encouragement or recognition from outside. This ensures mental and emotional freedom. If there is a lack of self-love, on the other hand, we are dependent on the love of others. Other benefits of self-love are:

  • Self-love radiates outward
    The people around us have a good sense of whether we are at peace with ourselves. Self-love and authenticity are closely related. Those who do not pretend to convulsively please others will be perceived by others as significantly more positive.
  • Self-love improves the way you interact with others
    In addition, self-love has a noticeable effect on how you treat the people around you. If you are dissatisfied with yourself, take it out on others. Frustration and anger discharge towards outsiders. On the other hand, if you like yourself, treat others in an open, friendly and positive manner.
  • Self-love makes you more successful in the long term
    Mistakes, problems, setbacks, criticism - all things that are part of life and especially of your professional career. Self-love helps us deal with them in the right way, learn from them and grow from them, without looking to blame ourselves or giving up early.

Causes: Why is it so difficult to love yourself?

The causes of a lack of self-love often lie in childhood. Actually, everyone deserves unconditional love - but that is exactly where it fails in some families. Too little confirmation and attention, instead reproaches or even neglect lead to inferiority complexes. Instead of learning that you are good and lovable, the need for love, respect and encouragement from the outside grows.

Or to put it another way: if you don't learn early on that you are worth loving, you will not be able to develop self-love and meet the need for encouragement in yourself. In this way, self-love becomes impossible. Often these behaviors can then be observed:

You are too focused on your own mistakes

Nobody knows them better than you do yourself, so all these quirks and edges make it difficult for you to form a positive image of yourself. This is often combined with numerous self-doubts as to how others can endure you at all, when the mistakes overshadow everything else. This can lead to self-rejection.

You have the wrong idea of ​​self-love

The misunderstanding outlined at the beginning often gets in the way of self-love. Nobody wants to be perceived as arrogant, selfish, or self-indulgent. The result: Your own self-image is distorted and in the end those affected talk to each other: I am bad…

Tests and exercises for self-love

How is your self-love? You can find out very quickly with these three small self-reflection tests:

Look at yourself in the mirror

Look yourself in the eyes, in the face, in the body. Say to yourself, honestly and sincerely, "I love and accept myself for who I am."

Did you hesitate? Many find this extremely difficult because they do not feel comfortable in their own skin, only see mistakes and weaknesses or have simply never learned to be good to themselves. If the thought of looking at your body in the mirror for a longer period of time makes you feel uncomfortable, this indicates a lack of self-love.

Watch yourself 24 hours

Check how you deal with yourself once for 24 hours. Imagine an imaginary buzzer that goes off every time you say or think something negative about yourself. For many it is almost part of the flesh and blood - they scold each other for every little thing.

Pay attention to thoughts like this: “My God, how could I be so stupid! What was I thinking about that crap ?! How I look again - too old / fat / ugly ... I can't do anything! "

Ask yourself the following questions

You can determine the extent of your self-love if you answer these questions honestly:

  • Do you often criticize yourself excessively?
  • Above all, do you see your own mistakes?
  • Do you regularly feel that others are smarter / prettier / better than you?
  • Would you like to change a lot of things about yourself?
  • Do you keep referring to yourself, your achievements and successes?
  • Do you think you are not good enough?

If these ways of thinking and behaving apply to you and you have answered yes several times, then you should work on your self-love.

Tips for more self-love

The first important tip is: allow yourself to love yourself! It is not bad, selfish or arrogant to be happy with yourself and to say: “I am good the way I am!” Rather, such a positive attitude towards yourself is worth striving for. If this is difficult for you so far, you can learn more self-love. Not overnight, but in slow but decisive steps. The following tips can help you with this:

Use a realistic yardstick

Everyone has expectations of themselves that they would like to meet, goals that they set and dreams that they might want to realize. However, it is wrong to use a completely unrealistic standard for your own assessment. Be fair to yourself and you will find it easier to love yourself. Don't just expect perfection from yourself, neither does anyone else.

Don't you still want more

Self-love arises when you are completely satisfied with yourself. Goals are important, the desire to get better is understandable. But don't put yourself under too much pressure. Those who still want more and cannot be satisfied stand in the way of their self-love. Instead, tell yourself more often: It is good and enough the way it is. This results in a great satisfaction with the circumstances and myself.

Show yourself your gratitude

A simple but effective way to love yourself is to say thank you more often. Not just for all the things you have, but for yourself. Did you make a good decision? Done something important? Recorded a success? Then thank yourself to reinforce the positive impression. In this way you will always be aware of when you have done good instead of only seeing negative things.

Give yourself breaks

Self-love also means knowing your own needs and respecting them. Do not overwhelm yourself and do not take advantage of yourself. When you are exhausted, take a well-deserved break; if you feel weak or sick, do not force yourself to exert yourself. Treat yourself well and be considerate of yourself.

Accept your mistakes

A difficult but necessary step on the road to self-love: recognize your mistakes and learn to accept them. Inadequacies aren't bad, they're just human. Tell yourself: I'm fine I can have mistakes. You don't have to be able to, know or achieve everything. This is no reason to grieve or dislike yourself. Better to be aware of your strengths.

Recognize your successes

Everything goes wrong, you only see the negative and nothing works. It is easy to see the world with such eyes - but it is also one-dimensional and hides one's successes and achievements. Be aware of what you have achieved and praise yourself for it. That may seem strange at first, but it brings you a little closer to yourself.

Make small gifts for yourself

In order to learn to love yourself, you should treat yourself well. Show yourself that you like yourself by doing something good for yourself. As with a friend or partner whom you surprise with a nice gesture, you can give yourself small gifts. They don't have to be material things. You can just as well treat yourself to a day full of rest and relaxation. The main thing is that it is good for you and that you treat yourself to something.

Give yourself time

Self-love doesn't come from one moment to the next. It requires a rethink that will take some time. It is important that you give yourself this time and continue to work on accepting yourself. Try to gradually break down old thought patterns and replace them with a better picture of yourself.

Sayings and quotes for self-love

For inspiration, we have finally put together some sayings and quotes about self-love for you:

  • "The most important relationship in life is with yourself." Unknown
  • “It's not your business to like me. It's mine. ”Byron Katie
  • “Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” Coco Chanel
  • “Your first duty is to make yourself happy. If you are happy, you make others happy too. ”Ludwig Feuerbach
  • "Healthy self-love means that we are not compelled to justify ourselves or others." Andrew Matthews
  • “Self-love is the instrument of self-preservation.” Voltaire
  • "Love yourself to be loved by others." Unknown
  • “Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Oscar Wilde
  • "You are the only person to please." Unknown
  • "When you make a donkey yourself, there is always someone ready to ride on you." Bruce Lee
  • "The most important thing is to enjoy your life, to be happy - that's all that matters." Audrey Hepburn

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