Most cultures in the world are monogamous

Is there really true love between two people that can last until the rest of their lives or is psychology playing a trick on us? Does monogamy really work in the long run? Why do so many relationships fail because of infidelity to the partner, of all things? There are many questions that go in this direction when we think about monogamy. What is the idea behind monogamy and is it? Concept of love for us humans of course?

When we think of a happy relationship, we see the usual model of partnership in mind: monogamous love based on fidelity. No matter whether between a woman and a man, two women or two men. Then why do so many people fail in their relationships and have cheated on them? Are the Affair is a sign that monogamous love doesn't work for us humans?

What is monogamy?

By definition, the term "monogamy" means a lifelong and exclusive partnership between two people. In the animal world, it is primarily about the mating behavior between males and females and their reproduction. With us humans it does not have to be connected with reproduction. Not all women have the same desire to reproduce as men - so mating behavior is ruled out in humans. Monogamy is the opposite of the relationship form polygamy.

Sex is secondary

Sexuality does not play a role in relationship forms. Not only in monogamy is sexuality secondary. In the polygamous relationship and also in polyamory, one relies much more on them interpersonal bond, less on their sexuality. So monogamy is about two people finding each other and staying together for their entire lives. Two people, regardless of gender, find each other and share their interests and passions. The mental, physical and social needs are mutually satisfied. This type of relationship is sometimes cemented with marriage.

Unfortunately, not all couples make it through this Exclusivity of togetherness to enjoy and bring in a third person who in most cases destroys the monogamous relationship. As a result, many of us simply have multiple partnerships throughout our lives. The sentence "Until death do you part", is unfortunately no guarantee of success for a marriage. Monogamous relationships are a form of partnership that is lived out in the western part of the world. Other parts of the world and cultures live in a polygamy that is also accepted by society. In Germany, however, monogamy is the common model of relationship.

Are we humans made for monogamy?

Pedagogue and sex therapist Gertrud Wolf believes that we humans are “not naturally monogamous”. The reason for their opinion is the fact that around a third of their clients, regardless of whether they are women or men, have already cheated on them. While sexual fidelity is so important to most couples, that is exactly where the relationship fails. Couples who firmly swear allegiance to each other can never trust each other one hundred percent. Depending on how the couple imagines their love, it always takes two people to choose this form of love. Since every person has their own feelings and opinions, the rules of loyalty can be interpreted differently. The definition of fidelity is very flexible.

Is loyalty a challenge?

We live in social structures in which a couple bond important part of life means. We humans all want a partner who gives us love and meets our needs. But do we only see each other for this one person? The cultural form of the relationship is very strong in the western part of the world, but this type is rather an untypical form. Did you just know that around 16 percent of all cultures in the world follow a monogamous form of relationship Life? Even if the relationship model of monogamy works for many, it is the sexual loyalty of the partner usually the greatest challenge. Hence the monogamous concept of love often critical illuminated. Graduate psychologist and elitePartner expert Lisa Fischbach is of the opinion that “The monogamy model is not intended for everyone. Monogamy can work in many relationships, but with certainty ”.

There are couples who live out a very special relationship model. Monogamy has the highest priority: You don't allow yourself to have contact with other genders, to go out with them, to meet up for dinner or just to meet. Such activities could lead to jealousy. In order to avoid this conflict, the couples opt for absolute togetherness. Nobody should disturb this togetherness. But is that healthy and does it correspond to reality? Or is it all just a matter of time before someone wants to break out of this narrow circle of togetherness?

How realistic is monogamy?

Monogamy seems to be rather unrealistic. At least that's how scientists see it. Nevertheless, we humans hold on to this relationship model as soon as we have found the one person we love and never want to miss again. We have listed the advantages of monogamy and the arguments for one or the other against an exclusive togetherness:

Advantages of the monogamous relationship

  • loyalty: Nobody likes to be betrayed. Even if it is not 100 percent biologically anchored in us humans, more than half of the couples long for loyalty and healthy trust in their relationship.
  • security: There are good times and bad times in a relationship. Anyone who has mastered difficult phases together knows that it welds together and strengthens the love for one another. The relationship with the partner gives people a feeling of security and security.
  • Mentalhealth: Many people feel better with a partner. The life satisfaction factor increases and well-being is strengthened. A partnership can bring a lot of joy in life and also has an immensely positive influence on mental health.

Disadvantages of the monogamous form of relationship

Every coin has two sides, so the disadvantages of a monogamous form of relationship should also be highlighted:

  • infidelity: Since humanity is apparently not biologically intended to have a loyal relationship with a person and this is in our genes, the need to be unfaithful is suppressed and only tolerated up to a certain point in time. Sexologist Alfred Pauls also explained that it is not possible for us humans to find a single person attractive.
  • bad luck: Jealousy, envy and infidelity not only lead to many disputes in relationships, but also make them extremely unhappy in the long run. Separation is often the best solution here. The relationship could be saved if both parties really want it. Otherwise the betrayed partner torments himself and rides himself further into his own misfortune.
  • Self-actualization: Anyone who sticks to their monogamous relationship extremely will bend over backwards for their partner and completely neglect their own needs. The person will focus on the partner and always try to prevent infidelity. The freedom of both partners is restricted in various ways. Some go so far as to lose themselves.
  • binding: The bond with each other is strengthened over the years, so that no matter whether women or men, from a certain time on, hold on to their relationship. When it comes to infidelity, some find it particularly difficult to draw a line. After all, the two people have a long and deep bond.

This is how monogamous love works

Of course, there are reasons that speak in favor of a monogamous form of relationship. If you like this model of relationship and you want to work more on yourself and your partner, need tips or just want to know better about the future, here are the tips to be happy with your great love.

  1. trust: Trust is the most important thing. Give yourself and your partner space. Everyone is allowed to meet their friends and acquaintances, exercise their hobbies and should also be allowed to live as an independent person. Anything else would only limit you and your partner.
  2. Find common hobbies: Common interests definitely unite! Together with your partner, choose a leisure activity that gives both of you great pleasure and fun. That strengthens your relationship with one another.
  3. Communication: Communication is the key that opens many doors. So also in your relationship. A relationship, whether monogamous or polygamous, can only work if everything is communicated openly and honestly. Communication removes misunderstandings and conflicts can easily be resolved.
  4. Honesty: Open communication and honest words are the basic building blocks for a functioning relationship. Of course, honest words can be hurtful. But with mutual respect, this problem can also be solved in the best way by simply finding the right words for you and your partner!

Are you interested in the concept of an open relationship? Or would you like to know how platonic love works? Are you unhappily in love and looking for advice? We have the answers!

Sources used: statista.de, elitepartner.de