Should I separate from my parents

Help, my parents are breaking up!


Just a fight: your parents are finally separating

Your parents decided that they no longer want to live together? For most of them, that's a shock at first. Even if you know as a teenager that not every relationship lasts forever, it hurts Separation of parents in an unexpected way. With these tips you can survive the sad situation in the best possible way:


1. The separation concerns everyone - speak up!

Separated adults are sometimes so overwhelmed by their relationship stress that they involve the children far too little. Of course, you shouldn't get into conflict. Because you can't solve that either. But in the planning for the time during and after your parents split up, you should definitely be integrated. After all, it is also important for the children to know: what will happen now? How will we live and who is moving where with whom? And when will that happen? If you find that all of this should be handled over your head, get involved. Because as a teenager you have a say.


2. Don't take sides!

A separation is a thing between adults. And even if you may have noticed something that happened between your parents: You can love both parents and keep in touch! Because you are the child and it is not your fault that your parents split up. It is often difficult not to let one parent turn you against the other. However, you can block any attempts by saying:"I want to have a good relationship with you two. So please keep me out of your argument."


3. A breakup is a burden: don't keep it to yourself!

Confide in someone who knows what you are talking about or who is good at listening. You can't change the situation. But when you talk to others about it, the burden is often less heavy. And a friend or classmate whose Parents also broke up, can be even better at your side than someone who can hardly imagine it. Maybe a family member you get along with can help. So that your teachers aren't surprised that you might be distracted, it is best to confide in them too. There are also offers on the Internet or discussion groups for children of divorce and separation, as well as advice centers that young people can also come to who need advice because something is going really wrong in their family. And that includes when the Parents getting divorced and you suffer as a child. There you can exchange ideas with others and get support from professional advisors who know how they can help young people in your situation.


4. The housing situation after the separation: think about what is best for you and your parents!

Your parents have decided: they want Cut Life! Of course, this also has consequences for you! For example, when it comes to who you are going to live with now. From the age of 14 you can have a say in whether you move in with your mother or your father and how you want to be in contact with the other parent. The family court decides for everyone under 14. Most parents who split up share custody. Tip: Take your time to think about what you want before you talk to them. If they are still very much at odds, talk to them individually. Be clear about what you want and, if possible, compromise so that you don't get into an argument with your parents. For example: "Dad, you have to work the whole day. It's better if I live with mom during the week. That's why I can come to you on the weekend." Or: "If I move with Mom, I'll have to change schools. That's why I want to stay here!"
There is an exception if there is violence involved or if one or both parents cannot look after you, for example if they are drug addicts or are mentally ill. That could burden you too much or put you at risk. Then it can be important for your protection that the contact with a parent has to be regulated differently than your heart actually wants. The youth welfare office or the family court can help in disputes and difficultBreakups advise or decide which type of living is best for you as a child.


5. Give yourself time!

The separation coping with parents often takes a lot more time than most people think or allow themselves to be. But many of them have been thrown off the rails without being asked and unplanned. It will take you to cope with this blow and the consequences it caused. And this is not only the case with children whose parents have separated after a lot of arguments. But also when the parents still talk decently to each other despite the separation. So don't expect miracles from yourself and take the time to grieve or be angry that you need.


6. Despite divorce: parents stay parents

Of course you have to look after your Parents separated or want a divorceto get used to the new situation first. But one thing is also clear: Now the greatest emotional stress is over and you can take a deep breath first. Much may have to be reorganized and determined: Pocket money? Way to school? Vacation trips? Where are you celebrating your birthday, where is Christmas? But: Even if your mom and dad are no longer a couple, they still love you as much as they used to. It can also happen that they fall in love again and find partners again. Of course, you find it difficult to see someone else by your side. Give them a chance anyway. Who knows: Maybe you get on really well with the "newbie"! And when a bit of time has passed, you will also find that your parents should be separated and happy (perhaps with another partner) rather than sticking together convulsively.


7. Important

If your parents have problems with each other, it's all about them - not you! So don't look for the reason with you: YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT BLOCKED FOR THE SEPARATION OF YOUR PARENTS!