How do you break up with someone

When you're in love with someone else but can't part with your partner

Last update: 29th August, 2020

Some think that it is easier to break up with your partner than to be abandoned. Thats not right. There are circumstances in which it becomes almost impossible to leave your partner, even if you are already in love with someone else. These are cases in which a guilty conscience, feelings of duty or emotional, real or imagined debt stand like a wall around the relationship, making it impossible to take this step.

The possibility of leaving one's partner sometimes turns into a labyrinth from which there is no way out. Although one is aware that there is no more love, a number of factors are still at work that make it impossible to make the decision to end the relationship.

There is nothing positive about this situation. Failure to become aware of them in a timely manner and appropriate action not taken can lead to a problem that affects everyone involved, so that it is ultimately impossible to make a clean cut.

"You have to learn to leave in good time when love no longer makes sense."

Nina Simone

Factors that make it difficult to part with one's partner

Feelings of guilt are the main reason people have trouble leaving their partner even though they are already in love with someone else. This feeling comes from not wanting to hurt someone who has contributed something valuable to our lives. You know that the separation would be painful for this person and you don't want to burden him with it.

Another reason is doubts that lead to this decision not being made. In this case, one is afraid of what might happen in the future. You don't know whether what you know is better or not what you need to get to know, despite the fact that you no longer feel love. So what prevails here is the uncertainty: And what if everything goes wrong and I then want to go back to my partner, but can no longer do that?

It also happens that you want the third party to solve the problem. One hopes that that other person with whom one is already in love, officially or unofficially, will take over the work of putting pressure on, insisting or doing something to allow one to leave one's partner. Ultimately, one would like to evade the responsibility of the decision.

Not parting with your partner in time

The real problem is that the circumstances always lead to unclear and unsightly situations. It often happens that a series of subconscious actions are slowly carried out that are much more nerve-wracking than a truth spoken in time.

The postponed decision leads to the following behaviors in particular:

  • Psychological violence: Subconsciously, one can accuse one's current partner of existing and not allowing them to be with that other person. Then everything the partner does or says is condemned. His behavior is increasingly criticized and a hostile attitude is adopted.
  • Lies and deceit: Guilt, indecision, or fear can lead to a confusion of lies. The partner and also the new flame are lied to in order not to have to split up abruptly from the partner and not to lose the other. It is an immature way of delaying the inevitable.
  • Passive-aggressive strategies: This is understood to mean ambiguous behavior, such as distancing yourself emotionally or indirectly reproaching your partner. Discomfort is expressed, but not in a straightforward way. This hides the actual conflict.
  • Giving sensitive hints: That means wanting to get caught. Evidence of the existence of this third person and the fact that you are interested in this person so that your partner can find out and become the one to end the relationship.

What are the consequences of acting immaturely

If a relationship isn't ended in a timely manner, it usually ends up painfully for everyone involved. The current partner is likely to feel or sense this rupture, which is already noticeable. He or she would like to understand the situation better, but if the other person doesn't play with open cards, it leads to fear, doubt and discomfort.

Under these circumstances, he simply does not know what terrain he is moving on and thus cannot make a decision either. The result is silent suffering, unfounded hopes, or useless expectations. With such mind games you cause a lot more damage than if you once clearly express what is going on for everyone.

The third party also suffers from it. He doesn't know whether to hope that the other person will solve the situation or whether it will just go on like this. This part can also feel insecurity and mistrust, which of course is not the best basis for a new relationship.

The aforementioned reasons basically testify to a selfish attitude and indifference if you do not part with your partner in time. You want to avoid your own discomfort at the expense of others. Ultimately, one can only emerge injured from such a situation. Fear, indecision, and the fact that one wants to shirk responsibility usually come at a heavy price.

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