Are some narcissists actually undercover?

From Dream to Nightmare: The Relationship With a Narcissist

According to Rexroth, the "Love Bombing" phase only lasts until the narcissist has the feeling that the relationship is secure enough. "Then the effort is no longer necessary." As soon as something does not work the way the narcissist would like it, he stops idealizing the partner. He lapses into black and white thinking and feels like he's been betrayed. Small things are often the trigger for an argument: “For example, that you come home too late from a friend's wedding. Through his own insecurity, the narcissist instantly imputes evil intent on the partner. For him, being late is a sign that you are having an affair, that you no longer love him or no longer respect him, ”says Rexroth. The narcissist is not able to question his own perception.

The intense feelings of happiness alternate more and more often with violent conflicts. The relationship feels like a roller coaster ride. The narcissistic partner perceives any form of criticism as an offense, which is why he reacts to it negatively. In addition, the narcissist is deliberately manipulative. According to Simone, it starts with small things. “He misplaces the key and tells you you're messy. At some point you will believe it, even though you actually know that the key is always there. ”You slowly begin to doubt your own perception. It can also happen that the partner does not speak to you for hours or days and you do not even know why.

On blogs there are many everyday psychological terms, mostly in English, for the description of such manipulative methods. They are not based on any scientific knowledge, but are based on the experiences of those affected and can help to sort out what they have experienced. Psychologist Rexroth also finds the terms helpful. Many of his patients would find it difficult to believe that they were in a toxic relationship. Often they think that the partner is the real sufferer. "A little hint often helps to know: It's not just me like this".