Why are some friends fighting

Friendship: what to do when friend becomes enemy

A violent argument, a few bad words and the intimate friendship is broken - something like this can not only happen to young people. Tips on how best to cope with the situation.

© dpa

If a friendship breaks, distance helps first.

Until recently everything was still in order: your best friend was an integral part of life, every day you saw each other at school. Suddenly it's all over: After an argument, the friend doesn't look at you anymore, the fronts are hardened.

Will I have such a good friend again?

Without knowing exactly what is happening to you, your best friend becomes your worst enemy. "Such a situation is terrible," says the psychologist Elisabeth Raffauf from Cologne. "It hurts a lot when you lose someone who was so close to you recently."

The educational advisor Maria El-Safti-Jütte from the Berliner Kinder- und Jugendtelefon also knows the problems: "In a case like this, both sides are usually quite injured and maybe worry like 'Will I have such a good girlfriend again?'"

Leave each other alone

But precisely because it hurts so much, distance is first of all the best medicine, says Raffauf. "Anyone who repeatedly does the same things that were previously done together is constantly confronted with the loss." That would tear open the wounds without really getting you any further.

It becomes difficult when both go to the same school or maybe even the same class. "Perhaps it is possible to conclude a kind of agreement with your former best friend, according to the motto: 'I leave you alone, you leave me alone", explains Elisabeth Raffauf.

Do not split clique

With a mutual group of friends, however, that is not easy either. "You have to weigh up whether it is possible to continue to see your friends or whether you prefer to withdraw for a while," says Markus Hammer, psychological advisor from Greifswald.

However, you should say clearly to your friends: "I would like to continue to be friends with you." It is important not to want to split the clique - such an attempt usually backfires.

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Be careful with gossip

If the mutual friends ask about the quarrel, gossip and overly personal opinions are best avoided. “It is better to make observations that are as neutral as possible,” says Hammer.

One should say what the dispute was about and who had what view. The only exception are really close friends, explains Raffauf: "If I trust someone, I can be honest and say what I really think." But caution is advised: “Maybe the other person just wants to hear me out. Then I should keep a low profile and just say in general 'Something went very stupid'. "

Write a letter or email

With a little luck, it will not stop at the bitter hostility. "First of all, a bit of grass must grow over the matter," says Raffauf. "But a conversation could at some point help to at least easily break the hardened fronts." According to El-Safti-Jütte, anyone who doesn't dare to speak to the other person directly can also write a letter or email. "Then you have time to formulate your position in peace." It is best to speak openly and honestly about what has happened: What hurt me so much? What did I do wrong? And how can it go on? "In this way, injuries and misunderstandings can be cleared out of the way, so that at least halfway normal interaction is possible again."

Source: dpa

| Updated: Friday, January 6, 2012 5:11 PM

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