Do you look like your spouse
20 questions to ask your partner. Do you tolerate the truth?
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Nobody will be exactly the same tomorrow as they are today. Nevertheless, after being together for a while, we believe that we know everything about our partner. Have our stories about him in mind. We're so sure about who he is and what he likes and will do that we tore the wings out of the butterflies in our stomach. Because tension can only remain where we give the other and the relationship space for new things and movement.
Or we believe the opposite - not knowing him at all or not at all. Not knowing what is really going through his head and heart. Perhaps we've been dragging dumb, dark fears with us for years. Is she having an affair at work? Does he have a sex slave in the basement? Doesn't the other love me anymore?
Two kinds of fog of silence. One kind of outlook: gray.
Fortunately, there are questions that can free the relationship - from the coma or from the unspoken that weighs on it.
Radically honest - but appreciative
Behind them is the thought of radical honesty, a principle from psychology that says that even addressing painful or taboo subjects makes people happier and brings them closer together than any attempt to hide things.
Some of these questions and their answers cost more to overcome, others less. A few thoughts make it a little easier:
- You don't have to go through all the questions at once. The important thing is which pace is good for both.
- If the partner doesn't like something about the relationship, it doesn't mean that we he doesn't like it. Instead of taking it personally, we can try to take every answer with appreciation: "Thank you for being so honest with me (even if I'm sad / confused / scared about it right now").
- If the partner is dissatisfied with something or is afraid to open up to us, we can ask ourselves: Did I perhaps contribute to his dissatisfaction or his fear?
- Everything that comes up through the questions was there beforehand. Needs. The dissatisfactions. The truth. The only difference is that we know about them and can do something, that we are no longer the victims of ignorance, that we no longer poke around in the fog of wasteland or fear. The more honestly we answer the questions, the more we can win. And in the worst case, the insight that we should end the relationship if there is nothing to save.
"How to let go of worries, stress and self-doubt"
The 20 questions. Do you dare?
So here they are:
- When do you feel loved by me?
- When do you not feel loved by me?
- What do you enjoy most about our relationship?
- Am I complimenting you enough?
- Do I touch you enough
- What attracted you most about me at the beginning? Has anything changed in that?
- How long, did you think at the beginning, would we stay together? How long do you think we will be together now?
- What do you think attracted me to you?
- What do you enjoy most about sex? What is the least? Do you have a fantasy that you have never talked to me about before?
- How do you feel when we're not together?
- Do you think we spend too much or too little time together?
- Is there anything in our relationship that makes you particularly afraid?
- What was the most painful thing for you that I have ever done or said?
- Do you think I was or am not 100% honest with you about one thing?
- Have you ever thought about cheating on me? Is there something that you've been hiding from me?
- What goes through your head when you see me talking to an attractive man / woman?
- What do you like most about my body? What about my being? What do you think differentiates me from other people? Which behavior of mine irritates you the most?
- Do you find our relationship less exciting today than it was at the beginning? If so, what can we do together to add new tension?
- How can I support you even better?
- Are you sure of my love? Can I do something to make you even more confident?
Dare, partner, dare!
Fly, butterflies, fly!
See also: The 36 questions that make you fall in love.
Inspired by: ElephantJournal, Photo: Giuseppe Milo
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