Are you doing any kind manipulations

Gaslighting: Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated?

If you've been questioning your perceptions a lot lately, you might be a victim of Gas lighting became. This is an emotional manipulation that makes those affected so insecure that they constantly question their own memories and feelings from now on. This is made possible by a relationship of trust between the perpetrator and the victim, so that the victim does not initially become suspicious. With fatal consequences. How to recognize gaslighting and how to fight it off ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

Gaslighting definition: what is it exactly?

With gaslighting (from English, in German about "fumigated") one becomes Type of psychological violence or abuse, in which the victim's self-confidence is gradually destroyed.

Skillful manipulation over a longer period of time sows doubts, so that at some point the victim is completely psychologically destabilized.

This approach is after the play "Gaslight" was named by Patrick Hamilton from 1938, who first describes this practice. "Gaslight" became known as a film starring Ingrid Bergman as the victim of a manipulative husband, which in German was called "Das Haus der Lady Alquist".

In it, the husband tries to drive his wife insane by changing little things such as the lighting by gas lights in her environment and at the same time in relation to her constantly denies: She doesn't remember correctly, she is wrong and so on.

According to this scheme, gaslighting nowadays describes the targeted deception a person to make them doubt their own perception. This is mainly achieved through ...

  • Deception
  • denial
  • lying
  • Contradiction

The perpetrators, so they Gaslighter, in turn, use the existing relationship of trust to make their increasingly insecure victims emotionally and mentally dependent on themselves. The aim is to gain complete, manipulative power over the victim.

Gaslighting is not a trivial offense. Rather, it is special serious emotional and emotional abuse. In the extreme, the manipulation can lead to the systematic destruction of perception, self-confidence and madness.

After such experiences, gaslighting victims usually need one psychological therapyin order to process the experiences and to be able to be stabilized again.

Perpetrator: Often narcissists

The phenomenon is not new. Everyone can be influenced and therefore prone to gas lighting.

It's a method used by narcissists, demagogues, and religious leaders. Since it happens slowly, people do not notice the brainwashing. The fact that it can come to this is because those affected attribute greater competence to the other than to themselves.

As described above, you get into a emotional addiction.

The culprit twisted facts, denies that certain events took place that way. He spreads lies, behaves contradictingly and unsettles his victim with formulations such as "You are wrong, that was completely different." Anyone who falls victim to gaslighting in a relationship lives in one dysfunctional relationship.

It is not uncommon for the perpetrators to show one narcissistic personality disorder on. Such a partner makes the other emotionally dependent on himself out of a sadistic feeling. In this way he exercises power and control over the victim - often out of the fear of being abandoned himself.

Consideration is a foreign word for such people. Their own interests always take precedence over those of others; they are incapable of genuine compassion.

Talking to you on a factual level is impossible as they are easily offended and quick aggressive or violent react. Your approach is extremely clever, not infrequently you try successfully to convince the other that he is crazy.

Usually gaslighting is done by a person who who are close to the victim. These can be partners, but also work colleagues, friends or even your own family. In other words: people who are ours Enjoy trustthat are important to us and that we rely on.

There are cases of gaslighting in which the gaslighter enters a victim's home in their absence in order to avoid objects such as the Manipulate computers or to change the decoration.

Personal items are damaged, work sabotaged, and those affected feel close to madness. This special characteristic is mainly at stalking to be found.

Mostly women affected

Although in principle anyone, regardless of age, can become a victim of gaslighting, they are conspicuously common in the literature Women as victims described by Gaslighting.

Empirical There are no studies on this Indeed. It is assumed, however, that this is mainly due to the often existing classic role distribution, in which men take the dominant role in the couple relationship and the women make themselves compliant - or at least try to do so.

However, this does not mean that only men can be considered as perpetrators. Ultimately, in interpersonal relationships Manipulation takes place over and over again - in different forms: Parents make their children feel guilty about tidying up their room or finally doing their homework.

She also flirts with other men to make him jealous and get him to recruit her again; he buys her expensive jewelry to get her to bed. All of these are ultimately Attempted manipulation - albeit at a comparatively harmless level - that continue in the job.

Gaslighting in the workplace

Anyone who has someone in their circle of acquaintances with whom tendencies towards manipulation can be observed become automatic to keep a distance. It is much more difficult in working life - even if you work part-time you have to spend 20 hours or more with difficult colleagues.

Gaslighting appears again and again in connection with bullying and bossing. For no apparent reason, employees are exposed in front of the assembled team, things are twisted.

Precisely because there is no objective reason, the victim does not expect such an attack at the time.

The reasons for such an approach are different. In some cases he likes it own maintenance of power serve. In cases in which the supervisor is bullying in this way, the focus may be on trying to get rid of unpleasant or hard-to-terminate employees.

Signs of gaslighting: this is how it manifests itself

Gaslighting often follows a similar pattern, but those affected need a certain amount of time to deal with it recognize repeating patterns to be able to. In principle, it is completely normal for someone to first question their opinion and compare it with other people.

If you do for quite some time have the impression that something is wrong and someone around you is telling you that something is wrong with your perception, you should pay attention. Typical warning signs and phrases of the Gaslighter are for example:

  • You are not normal.
  • If I weren't such a patient person, you wouldn't have anyone on your side.
  • Nobody can take it with you.
  • Be glad I'm still with you.
  • You're just imagining it.
  • Something is wrong with your perception.
  • I never said that like that.
  • Of course I said that, you just forgot.
  • You twist the facts, it never happened that way.
  • Your memory is playing a trick on you.
  • I am afraid you are suffering from a loss of reality.
  • But you are sensitive!
  • You should go to a psychologist.

Of course, it can (but does not have to) be true, and those affected actually have a patchy or selective perception.

But that is often the case Gut feeling a good reference to you at least pay attention should to develop a flair for potential gaslighting.

The American psychologist Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, for example, warns of typical signs like these:

  • Question of guilt

    No matter what it is about - the question of guilt is cleared up very quickly, you are always the one to blame. Claims are made that you did this or that wrong, that someone really explained a situation to you beforehand, until you believe it yourself. As a result, you start to bend accordingly.

  • Hypocrisy

    Someone may have been completely friendly to you in one situation and said something, in the next moment in front of other people the opposite is suddenly stubbornly asserted. Of course, in this situation you will have a hard time producing evidence of the actual version. The actions of the gas lighters also often do not match what they actually say, so it is important for those affected to pay attention to what is actually being done and less to pay lip service.

  • Time factor

    The mean thing is, as mentioned, the longer period of time that gaslighting takes. Sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger lies are spread here and there, so that it goes unnoticed. The principle is the same as for a frog that is slowly heated in cold water - it does not notice the impending danger until the water boils.

  • intrigue

    Gas lighters are great at intriguing. You are simply making claims that other people spoke about you in a certain way, such as: "The colleague knows that you often make mistakes." A gaslighter is always lying. You should be aware that what has been said does not have to correspond to the facts, but should only unsettle you. Ultimately, this can make you fearful and stay away from people who mean no harm to you - you become so isolated, the perpetrator gains more control over you.

Effect of manipulation

The self-doubts caused by the perpetrator cause the victim to be completely insecure and adopt an avoidant attitude. Manipulation through gaslighting leads to severe mental illness.

Many victims consider themselves insane, believing that they no longer have their lives under control. You fall into depression, but you can also develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or dissociative disorder. Other concomitant diseases, such as those of a psychosomatic nature, can also occur.

Since gaslighting happens over a long period of time, the victim's perception also slowly changes. So is only from one appropriate distance to see what exactly happened. However, this also makes therapy more difficult for those affected, who have to learn to understand that they have fallen victim to manipulation.

In the respective acute situation, the manipulation hardly notice.

Tips: fight back against gas lighting

The first and most important step is to spot the signs of gaslighting. If feelings such as fear or shame are constant companions, something may not be right. The following tips will help you to fight against gas lighting:

  • Break in contact

    Immediately break off contact with the person who keeps conveying these feelings. Only from a distance and without the poisonous input of this person do you have the opportunity to have clear thoughts again.

  • Help

    Be sure to get professional help from a therapist. A psychologist is familiar with the various manipulation methods and will be able to follow your explanations based on his specialist knowledge and recognize the method behind it. He will help you to regain the damaged self-esteem so that you can see more clearly and cope with everyday life.

  • support

    You should also seek help in the form of friends or family members, to whom you report your observations and who support you and reinforce your own perception. These can perhaps also serve as witnesses in the presence of the manipulating person or at least prevent the gaslighter from becoming active again - because such incidents usually only happen when the perpetrator is alone with his victim. The crucial step is to break out of the social isolation that the gaslighter usually tries to achieve in order to make you dependent on it. Involving your own allies and third parties is therefore often a very effective counter-strategy.

  • proofs

    Check the facts and document statements, for example in the form of your own meeting minutes or a diary. Record exactly who said or did what, when, and how. In this way, you not only regain your self-confidence, but you can also use it with emerging Doubt prove the correctness of your own perception. This gives you the opportunity to convict the perpetrator of your own lie (even if he will deny it and go into forward defense).

In general: It does not make sense to go into discussion with the gaslighter to uncover the truth. This is exhausting and rarely leads to a good result. It is not uncommon for the gaslighter to even believe in its strange reality.

Better go to the perpetrator or perpetrators out of the way, believe in yourself and focus on the future. The best protection against gaslighting is still one pronounced self-confidence. Mindfulness can also be a good way to be aware of changes and to check things out.

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