Why do INTJs annoy people so often
The INFJ's dominant function is introverted intuition and its second function is extraverted feeling. In addition to the INTJ, he is one of the main users of an otherwise rarely dominant cognitive process. By means of this process, INFJs are able to access unconscious content to such an extent that they gain solutions and insights that help them in everyday life. Because of the insights gained in this way, many appear unusually wise even as children. Often people describe them as complicated and contradictory.
It is in the nature of things that the solution to an intuitively solved problem is usually obscured at the beginning. For this reason, INFJs usually find it difficult to convince others of the correctness of their approach and it takes some practice to consciously understand the solution afterwards. Since INFJs have the ability to solve problems intuitively from birth, they are not at all aware in their early years that other people cannot easily recognize a solution that seems so obvious to them, and they often wonder when their fellow human beings face obvious problems and Solutions do not act.
Since the process of becoming aware of all decision-relevant information takes longer, INFJs are often a mystery to themselves at times. This becomes problematic at the latest when other people urge them to explain their decisions in a comprehensible manner. Because of their sensitive emotional antennae, young INFJs are inclined to give in to other people's expectations in order to save themselves further arguments. It is not uncommon for them to get annoyed when they have decided against their intuitive assumptions and afterwards confirm them to be correct.
INFJs often need more time than other people to clarify a situation in order to be able to make decisions. Often they gain inner clarity by presenting their solutions to others. For INFJs, the exchange with their fellow human beings is usually very useful, as they are forced to put their otherwise nebulous insights into words and thereby to a certain extent give them a manageable shape.
Their second function - extravert feeling - makes INFJs extremely receptive to other people's feelings and needs. In combination with their dominant function, they therefore react very sensitively to the emotional signals of their fellow human beings.
INFJs find it very difficult to distance themselves from other people's feelings. They literally sense other people's feelings as their own feelings. This applies to both their positive and negative feelings.
INFJs always see people in two forms - on the one hand as the person they represent in public and on the other hand they perceive the being hidden behind the persona with its deeply human problems, conflicts and hidden intentions. Their ability to look behind the scenes and perceive things that other people like to ignore is often a headache for INFJs. The conflict that arises from the acute perception of such unconscious information is a central issue for INFJs. It is not uncommon for INFJs to know more about their counterpart than they would admit to themselves. INFJs relive the unspoken conflicts of their fellow human beings. This can cause INFJs great suffering, especially at a young age, if they lack the opportunity to break free from a negative environment. With the inwardly directed intuition, INFJs ultimately also grasp the content that C. G. Jung describes as the "collective unconscious".
In their second function, INFJs are calibrated to meet the needs of other people. Occasionally, however, they find themselves faced with problems when their fellow human beings ask them to meet needs that they cannot gain from their intuitive insights. Often they try to make their deep insights understandable to other people in order to move them to become aware of their real needs and to look for ways to meet them. As a result, INFJs can often be found in consulting professions, where they can help others deal with personal problems. In this way they are able to apply the insights that their intuition gives them to the outside world.
Another way to share your insights is with like-minded people. INFJs like to chat with other topics of interest to them. It can be frustrating for them to find that few people around them are able or willing to understand their complicated reasoning. Conversations with dominant extraverted intuitives (ENTP and ENFP) seem to be particularly fulfilling in INFJs here. The open-minded and optimistic nature of these types also increases the willingness of a rather reserved INFJ to come out of himself and work on the implementation of his ideas.
Often times, when a conflict arises between their own needs and those of other people, they pay too little attention to their own interests. Due to the delimitation difficulties described, INFJs actually find it difficult to know how they themselves feel about something. Often they do not know their feelings because they are overlaid by the feelings of those around them. Many INFJs tend to shift dissatisfaction from the outside in, where the hidden tension often translates into physical symptoms. Like other types who direct their emotional function outwards, INFJs usually become more aware of their own feelings by exchanging them with other neutral people who are not part of the conflict.
INFJs often feel the desire to disconnect from everyday life. On the one hand, they do this to refuel their reserves like any introverted person. On the other hand, it helps them to better differentiate themselves from their fellow human beings.
In addition, this distance from the environment is necessary for the functioning of their main process. The insights they gain through introverted intuition are often not immediately accessible. Rather, INFJs work tirelessly to make themselves aware of the content that is vague and incomplete in everyday life. To do this, they often go on a conscious search for further information and try to assemble this inside into a coherent picture of what is actually happening. The quality of this image depends on their ability to consciously use their third function (introverted thinking-Ti) and their fourth function (extraverted feeling-Se).
This process often takes a lot of time, so that INFJs, especially at the beginning of an emerging thought, are hardly able to classify it correctly and it is usually impossible for them to articulate their point of view towards others. Unfortunately, in our fast-paced world, and given the expectations of others to deliver quick results, INFJs often find themselves under pressure to suppress or shorten this slow-moving process and to take hasty and rash steps instead. If afterwards they are able to formulate their insights clearly, they have mostly already created definitive facts with their behavior. Reversing such decisions often puts a strain on their relationships with other people. Despite the initial yielding, INFJs remain acutely aware of the deviations of their course chosen under pressure from the path recognized as correct. Accordingly, they often feel exploited and overwhelmed by the expectations of others. In the long run, a deviation from your inner path leads to resignation and depression. Last but not least, their own dissatisfaction strains relationships with people close to them, as their disappointment can hurt them.
INFJs can only avoid such a sad state of affairs if they succeed in becoming sufficiently clear about their own goals and in pursuing them consistently.
If INFJs have decided on their path that has been recognized as the right one and are thus working on the realization of their ideas, they are often unusually persistent in the implementation. Like all idealists, however, INFJs tend to identify strongly with their ideals and focus less on the specific details that accompany the implementation of their plans. You can therefore quickly be disappointed when reality falls short of its perfect imagination.
This is particularly a nuisance in the case of INFJs, as the extraverted sensation is their inferior function. As a rule, it is therefore particularly difficult for them to draw their attention to the details of achieving their goals. In addition, dealing with material reality is often extremely difficult for them. You often need more time to work on the “earthly things” that most people find easy in everyday life. Compared to S-types, they often find administrative work or routine activities to be excessively tiring in relation to the actual effort. In addition, when planning, INFJs often clearly underestimate the amount of time and money that have to be put into realizing their ideas.
Quite a few INFJs are also resistant to advice and rather unwilling to incorporate opposing opinions of their fellow human beings into their planning. The reason for this is probably the inner certainty that follows from introverted intuition that you are on the right track. Therefore, they often take over the implementation of their ideas. In contrast to extraverted intuitives, however, they are seldom willing to abandon projects they have taken on or to accept compromises and therefore tend to hold on to their exaggerated ideas until their physical and financial reserves are exhausted. INFJs would therefore do well to consider the input of others when realizing their goals and to look for suitable helpers who have a better developed sensory function for the concrete implementation of their projects.
I wrote this profile from my own INFJ perspective. I tried to show the fundamental questions and problems of an INFJ. Like all profiles here, it is incomplete. I could have continued to write endlessly about the strengths and weaknesses of this type. These certainly vary due to individual differences in the differentiation of the four functions (Ni, Fe, Ti, Se). (This applies accordingly to all type profiles on this blog. They are used exclusively for orientation and the perception of your own type-related strengths and weaknesses. They are not intended to pin any person down on certain characteristics.)
This profile is intended to help young INFJs in particular to get to know themselves. It is my personal experience and the experience of many INFJs that the key to personal happiness for INFJs is actually self-awareness. Although INFJs are so good at tracking down other people's problems, they often find it difficult to properly classify themselves and accept them for who they really are. I hope that with this profile I have shown the core problems of the INFJ type.
You can find my article on “INFJs in professional life” here.
For further research on the INFJ profile, I recommend:
- Differentiation of the INFJ from other types, especially INFP and ENFJ
- Kindle book on amazon.de by Jennifer Soldner: Inside a rare mind (costs € 2.68)
(This book was originally a blog posted by Jennifer Soldner.)
In addition, there are tons of Youtube videos (in English) on the subject of very different quality. So here are my recommendations (not conclusive):
PS: INFJs, INFPs, INTJs and INTPs are among the rarest of the 16 types. My online experience shows that these four types exchange views on the MBTI and the theory on which it is based disproportionately to their actual occurrence in the population.
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